Pete’s blog

So continuing from the last email about HIV forcing us to confront the truth that sex happens, I want to have a rant about how many of our HIV prevention campaigns seem to ignore this truth.
HIV prevention is usually summarised by the mnemonic ABC – Abstinence, Be faithful, use a Condom. Driven largely by a conservative population and Mr. Bush, a large amount of emphasis and more importantly money has been put into abstinence campaigns. Being faithful gets a bit of attention, and unfortunately condom use is an avoided topic because that would involve admitting that sex happens. The abstinence campaigns are basically a desperate attempt to roll back the clock to the good old days when sex didn’t happen, when sex was dirty and only performed by evil, immoral people. Want to avoid HIV, avoid sex. What a fantastic idea, now you don’t have to talk about sex with anyone, you can just talk about why they shouldn’t have sex and how not to have sex. You children are safe once again now that you have enrolled them in a virginity-testing club (for those of you who think I am joking about this, there are such things as virginity clubs and the even claim to be able to test whether a guy is a virgin… crazy, crazy people!). Imagine the spread of HIV being halted in its tracks by everyone promising not to have sex! What a marvellous scheme.
The problem is that this thinking has infiltrated the thinking of most HIV prevention programmes, partly because of old habits and old thinking and also partly because of the Greeks and their stupid alphabet. The order of the letters makes us think of the ideas in that order. Firstly you should Abstain, if you aren’t abstaining then you should Be faithful, and lastly if you aren’t abstaining or being faithful then you should use a Condom. But this is basically saying that sex only sometimes happens and then only as a last resort – wrong! Sex happens, that should be your starting point! Let’s look at the reality of each of the steps of prevention in their current order.
Firstly abstinence. Abstinence is promoted as being almost 100% effective at preventing HIV infection (infection through blood being the main remaining threat which is very minimal). But how effective is abstinence? Abstinence unfortunately has a more than 99% failure rate. Almost everyone has sex at least once in their lifetime. Even a few of the people who have taken the most sacred of vows not to have sex have broken those vows… sometimes in dodgy, scandalous ways. So sooner or later abstinence will fail.
So you fall to being faithful to protect you. Well considering that there is a TV show dedicated entirely to catching people being unfaithful, just how reliable is being faithful? Sure you are being completely faithful, but do you really trust your partner. And both of you might even be completely faithful in your relationship, but have both of you checked your HIV status recently? Maybe one of you was infected in a previous relationship without knowing it. And then there is the disturbing belief amongst some people that having sex with more than one partner does not constitute being ‘unfaithful’, they believe that as long as you love one person and spend the most time with them, then you are being faithful. Those other sexual liaisons ‘mean nothing’. So how effective is being faithful? 60% effective maybe?
So if you aren’t one to be faithful, then you are going to of course wear a condom… aren’t you? If you think you can cheat on your partner and get away with it, you are probably going to also think that you can not use a condom and get away with that too. And for all the faithful, good people out there, you don’t have to ever worry yourself about condoms because you won’t ever get to this point.
You see the problem here? The whole thing is completely backwards. It is being approached backwards and is being taught backwards. This is how it should go:
Use a condom. Sex happens, it will happen at some point in your life. It might not have happened yet, but it will happen. When it does, are you prepared to use a condom? Know how to use a condom, carry a condom with you, so that when it happens you are ready and prepared. This is the starting point, this is what we should be emphasising and teaching. A properly used condom is 99% effective at preventing HIV transmission and even better, also at preventing other STDs and pregnancy. Sex happens, so be prepared for when it does, be educated and informed about it, do it responsibly and safely.
So a condom will protect you 99% of the time, but if you want more protection then you should also be faithful to your partner. If you are faithful to one partner AND use a condom then you are more than 99% protected. Have a healthy and open relationship, not only will you cut your chances of getting STDs, but you will also have a happier relationship and better sex too.
But if you want to be completely safe, then abstain from sex until you are ready. Get to know your partner better, build a healthy relationship, get married first if you prefer, then you can have sex knowing that you can trust your partner. But even if you are abstaining, never forget C – know how to use a condom, carry a condom, because sex will happen and you should not allow it to catch you unprepared.

There is another disturbing trend amongst HIV prevention campaigns – the stigmatisation of sex as being something bad. This is a combination of multiple factors – old-fashioned thinking, conservative and denialist thinking, ‘HIV is bad therefore sex is bad’ thinking, etc. Some campaigns therefore appear to send the message that people only have sex to get food or money or because another person is using them. Sex is portrayed as something that bad people try and coerce out of good people. You know what – here is a little secret that will shock and amaze you, and I could be stoned to death for revealing it. Sex is good. Sex is fun. People enjoy having sex. People have sex because they like it. Sex happens!